Always Look on the Bright Side of Trump
"What a delight it would be for the once and future president to turn and see Ms. Obama on the front row in one of those QAnon Shaman headdresses."
A friend told me about a preacher at a large protestant church in Dallas. Preacher was known for his frequent "laying on of hands" with a few female congregants. And maybe just some plain "laying." A real holy hound dog. At some point, it all caught up to him, and he had his preachin' credentials taken away from him by the denomination. As with all institutional intrigue like that, he did have his supporters. Many offered him comfort in his difficult time. An interim preacher was brought in to try and regain trust and restore some faith (!) with the congregation.
The problem was, that the disgraced pastor didn't feel all that disgraced. You don't go diddling the choir ladies while wearing a clergy collar without a large measure of arrogance. So Pastor Tom Cat came in every Sunday to the worship service, made his way to the front pew, and stared down his replacement, often with his arms folded and a Cheshire Cat smile. That Lord, He do work in mysterious ways. The replacement preacher gave up after a few months, he wasn't an exorcist.
So here's the thing. There's an inauguration coming up. Can't we have some fun with it? (You, see where I'm going?) I've heard that Michelle Obama isn't coming. Who can blame her? 4 years+ of insults, trolls, and even death threats. All inspired by the man who will be sworn in with his hand on a GodBlessTheUSA Bible (autographed copies still available.)
What a delight it would be for the once and future president to turn and see Ms. Obama on the front row in one of those QAnon Shaman headdresses. Q-bama, if you will. Michelle O. was famous for saying "When they go low, we go high." But how'd that work out, anyway? We don't have to sink to the bottom, but a few rounds in the mud can be very therapeutic.
Former VP Pence and VP Harris should offer JD Vance a small, silver, hangman's noose good luck charm. Bill and Hillary could hand out little Confederate Battle Flags to the Cabinet nominees. George W. and Laura should wear long trenchcoats with "I Really Don't Care, Do You" spray painted on the back. Could Stormy Daniels be a special guest of honor, waving with her pinky finger from the front row?
You've heard by now that the inauguration will be held in the Capitol Rotunda due to cold weather. You'd think with all their tough, masculine, testosterone-laced, B.D. energy, that the MAGAs could stand a little chill - no worse than the average football game in Wisconsin. But the "vast majority of ticketed guests will not be able to attend the ceremonies in person," according to the Joint Inaugural Committee. "Only those with tickets for the Presidential Platform and members of Congress will be able to attend in person." So, the average Joe SixPack who paid for airfare and a hotel room to see the coronation will have to find a sports bar that is willing to turn off the game so that they can watch it. I'm sure that if you can come up with a last-minute 8 figure donation, the RNC can find a spot for you. Then again, this is a crowd that knows how to break down barriers of entry for a good party in the Rotunda! A Day of Love, Pt. 2!
BTW, JFK's inauguration was held in similar weather conditions.
"Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." Spoken in 22-degree weather.
At noon, Kennedy took the oath of office and gave his historic address in 22-degree temperatures. “The wind was blowing from the northwest at 19 mph making it feel like the temperature was 7°F above zero,” the Weather Service wrote.
But then, Democrats are a tough lot. Kennedy's inaugural speech will be remembered for generations. “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." Trump will speak for an hour or so, belching out a word salad, the gist of which will be, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for me."
After JFK's inauguration, Kennedy and his wife Jackie would ride in an open car in that same 22° weather before a million or so people that lined Pennsylvania Ave.
Check out these incredible pictures. And remember: 22°. 7° wind chill.
Trump and Co., after deciding to keep the inauguration inside, also decided that the Inaugural Parade will be held in the Capital One Arena which only seats 20,000. Was all of this due to cold weather? The rumor is that this was a decision based on security issues. Other rumors note that the city's occupancy rate for Inauguration Day is only at about 75%, compared to 95% for his first term. Considering the former and future president's sensitivity to crowd size, a 20% reduction in numbers on the mall would not have been well received. Makes for bad photos. And Sean Spicer isn't around to berate the press corp for making the crowd look small.
Near the entrance to Trump National Golf Club in Loudoun County, Virginia, Susan Campbell Reneau, 72, was dressed head to toe in American flag gear, sitting atop her walker on a snowbank. “I think it’s kind of wimpy,” said Reneau, who flew in from Montana for the inaugural parade. “If the weather is anything like this on Monday, this is nothing.”
Kinda wimpy. Yup. You heard it from average American, Susan Reneau, "sitting atop her walker on a snowbank." They're all wussies, but they'll be warm wussies.
Immigrants: Doing the Jobs that Americans Won't
And if we're going to enjoy Trump for four more years, that means we get his lovely spouse, too (as long as the pre-nup was amended and signed.) And no, I'm not talking about First Lady Elon-ia. I mean the other immigrant First Lady, Melania. Mrs. Trump has a new book out which shot up to #1 on the NYT bestseller list! For a week! The book, imaginatively named "Melania," was called "bland" and "obfuscating" by the Times reviewer. I'm pretty sure that, unlike Eric Trump's autobiography, Trump supporters and sycophants are not responsible for buying thousands of copies of the book to curry favor with the president and give it a brief bump to #1. No way that happened, not with a book so wonderfully bland and obfuscating. (Makes a great Valentine's gift for your sweetie!)
Melania is excited about her First Ladyship second term. In her husband's first term, she took the time to rip out most of rose bushes in the Rose Garden. She is often remembered for her 40 garish, blood-red Christmas trees that were displayed in the East Colonnade during the holidays. Her supporters are hoping that this year she'll paint the White House exterior MAGA red and fly a "Trump 2028" flag on the roof. Insiders suggest that she is redesigning the Oval Office. "Eeet needs to be square, not rounded," said the soon-to-be First Lady. "And we to get leather recliners. Very comfortable with the holders of cup." This is in keeping with the First Lady's updated slogan, "Be Bester."
Unsinkable, But She Might Go Down
Diana Stancy
A right-wing FB friend of mine posted the above article on his feed, with the indignant response that Trump could begin a reform of the military with proper names for Navy ships... not the "USS William J. Clinton" for God's sake! What a lowlife philanderer void of decent Christian values!
No doubt Trump will respond to this challenge with the usual grace and dignity befitting his office and rename a couple of destroyers the USS Marjorie Taylor Green and the Unsinkable Lauren Boebert. He'll bring some champagne to the launch of the new aircraft carrier, The USS Stormy Daniels.
And what naval officer wouldn't like to write a letter home, "...a few hundred other sailors and I just climbed aboard Stormy Daniels. Whether you're up top or down below, Stormy can handle us. Even in rough seas, the up and down rhythm over the waves makes her a pleasure to ride."
But seriously, FoxNews could have had a good, serious story, but the headline would have been "China Outpaces US in Navy Ships and Shipbuilding." But they chose to go with the red meat clickbait instead. China has 400+ ships and is adding dozens more each year to the US's 300, with our ability to build only a handful yearly. With tensions in the Pacific heating up, that's the story, and mostly a bipartisan one.
But like I said, have some fun with it. Write your congressman and tell him it's time for a "USS Stormy Daniels" in honor of the incoming president.
With Tears in His Eyes, He Said, "Sir, It's the Most Beautiful Mugshot Anyone Has Ever Seen!"
"Trump released his official inaugural photo, which I assume was lit by hell opening up." -Colin Jost, SNL
This is the inauguration photo... which absolutely mimics his mug shot. He loves being the tough, manly, bad boy. Unless it's cold outside.
"Someone Get Me a Bucket of KFC, a Diet Coke, and Canada - with a side of Greenland."
You were worried about Trump annexing Canada and conquering Greenland? If he can't handle 22° for an hour or two at the U.S. Capitol, I wouldn't worry too much about the Commander-in-Chief putting on a greatcoat and leading the troops across the frozen tundra. (And if troops are to be led, they will be the kids of those families standing OUTSIDE the parade stadium, not inside.)
There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical.
For your angry, FoxNews-fed dad, father-in-law, or uncle, I have something new for you. You've heard me recommend that you surreptitiously go into the child-safety settings of their TV or streaming box and program out all of the right-wing-nutjob "news" stations. This is still an option. When they call you ask if something is wrong with their TV, just explain that FOX and OAN lost so many lawsuits that they're off the air. But now there's something even better. There is a commercial product that allows you to take control of a loved one's television. With this app, you can switch channels, make video calls, share photos, send reminders, and monitor your loved one. What a blast! You can limit dad to only 30 minutes of Hannity a day! Keep the security cam on him, and tell Pops that one Scotch on the rocks is quite enough. Keep tuning the TV to the Rachel Maddow show! Imagine, the tool to reprogram your parents is here!
The Bright Side. Take a Look.
Gentle reader, you're going to have to pace yourself. You must focus on you, and not on the Donald and every idiotic thing he says and does. (That's OUR job!) Nicolas Kristof wrote his (annual) column, "Even This Year Is the Best Time Ever to Be Alive." Yes, he is careful to acknowledge that if you've lost your house to fire in LA, or are trying to feed a starving child in Gaza, this is not a great time for you. But in the spirit of Thomas Pickety, ("the past was much nastier than we realise; the present is much calmer than we suppose,") Kristof asks us to look on the bright side.
For most of history, about half of newborns died as children <worldwide.> As recently as 1950, more than one-quarter did. In 2024, the best guess of United Nations statisticians is that an all-time low of 3.6 percent of children died before the age of 5... Likewise, consider extreme poverty, defined as having less than $2.15 per day, adjusted for inflation.
Historically, most human beings lived in extreme poverty, but the share has been plummeting — and in 2024 reached a new low of about 8.5 percent of the world’s people. Another way of looking at it: Every day over the past couple of years, roughly 30,000 people moved out of extreme poverty worldwide.
Education and literacy are the greatest forces empowering human beings, yet when I was a child, a majority of human beings had always been illiterate. Now we’re approaching 90 percent literacy worldwide, and the number of literate people is rising by more than 12 million each year. Every three seconds, another person becomes literate.
There is more, of course. New medications and vaccines are being invented every day. A pandemic, which in a different century would have killed hundreds of millions, was stopped within a little over a year's time due to modern science. Climate change is real, but new renewable energy technology is coming online at a breathtaking pace.
But Trump, Trump, Trump.
Take a break. Again, pace yourself. Single? Get out of the house on a date, or call a group of friends for a bar crawl. Married? Same. Go see a movie in an actual movie theater. (Hey, in Houston, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is once again the midnight movie at the old River Oaks Theater! Go do the Time Warp!) You can't get away from politics? Then volunteer! Find a candidate who you like and ask her/him what you can do to help - put anxiety into action. Go listen to some music. Go listen to LIVE music. If you're in the DC area, march around the 200,000 people that had tickets to the inauguration events and wear a sign..."He's Just Not That Into You." Or, "Protect and Save our Billionaires."
More than anything, they hate to be mocked. So you know what to do.
And shuddup about moving to Canada. It's cold(er) up there. And Trump is going to conquer it anyway, sure he is. You're a Texan for God's sake. Stay here and fight, and have a good time doing it. Look on the bright side: we have tacos.