Chris Newlin

Election

Surprise! and Welcome Trump 2.0!

It was awful, and as all of our progressive friends are wringing their hands and rightfully telling us, 'it's gonna get awfuller.'

Election'

TX Outlaw Writers: We Endorse...

Shouldn't The Outlaws take a principled stand and endorse a candidate? We're not the type to sell out! I mean, we're willing to hear an offer, but you can count on us to do the right thing! (How much did you say again?)

Trump

the girlfriend rule

Which of your friends has gone to the Dark Side, politically speaking? Use the same observational skills you used when trying to get a deeper understanding of that attractive date you brought to meet your pals.

Energy

Texas's Wobbly Marriage to Oil and Gas

"The state has been flirting with some of those new-fangled energy sources. And maybe more than flirting, lately, we've jumped into bed with an eager, renewable energy mistress."

Culture

Words, Words, Words

Like any modern cultural contagion, nonsensical corporate blather has spread to civilian use, mainly via social media. We hardly do anything in person anymore, so you're likely to hear this junk being overused as you scroll your Facetagram pages, or whatever media you pay attention to.

Trump

To Spite Your Face

Trump lopped off his nose in the debate. In addition, his campaign, close allies, and the whole GOP are an army of noseless ghouls wreaking havoc on others. An entire political party bent on cutting off their nose simply to spite their face.

Election

Death Branding and Other Cons

"It is all marketing and brand because the reason people choose things 98 percent of the time is not rational. It’s emotional."

In Dire Need of Sex

Who are these athletic, highly educated, successful, confident, independent women dating? MAGA men are discovering that it's not them. A flexed muscle, a dually truck with loud pipes, and a great pickup line just don't seem to impress the ladies like they used to.

Election

What Would Molly Ivins Say?

As we often do in times of political stress where we need a laugh and a bit of hope, we remember Molly Ivins, and wonder, "What the hell would she say about all of this?"

Election

The Horrors, The Horrors

"Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one. Brought it up to me like room service. It was a real choice mission, and when it was over, I never wanted another." Was Cpt. Willard heading to the 2024 election?

Travel

Everything is Fine

They announced pre-boarding, and suggested that we all line up for our seating. "Except for those connecting to Nassau, your flight is canceled."

Trump

The Debate Debate

His falsehoods ranged from "oh, bullshit," to "this is the kinda crap that produces violent fury." Which is his M.O.

culture wars

When the Elite Meet to Eat

"You ain't gonna get any nouveau, amandine, thin crust, bottled water, sauteed city food. Food's brown, hot, and plenty of it." -Cookie, the Chuck Wagon cook in "City Slickers"

Trump

Man up, Pilgrim

God-damn, I'm the stuff men are made of! -John Wayne

Culture

Bears, More Bears, and a Trans Hippo

Do modern Goldilocks have the right to appropriate bear culture? When we last left the fairy tale, the bear family was chasing her out of their house... Mama bear was NOT pleased to catch Goldi in the marital bed! Did anyone ask a damn bear how they felt about all of this?

Food

We Done Runned Out of Skrimps!

If you live in a town that only had a Sonic, a DQ, and a Billy Bob's Pizza Parlor, it can seem even more ritzy. The Lobster was to many, in a word, "fancy."

Economy

The War on Youth

The Greatest and Silent Generations understood the importance of a social contract. After having experienced World Wars and the Great Depression, they understood the need to build community. Then their kids (that's us, btw,) got greedy.

art

The Road Goes On Forever and the Potty Never Ends

"There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos"... and apparently a black crapper with blue LED lighting.

Science

The Sun is in Tune

If you monitored social media and certain "news" sources, you might have thought that Jesus was spontaneously planning the eclipse as a bit of divine retribution. Or if you listened to certain MAGAts, it was some kind of globalist conspiracy.

Trump

Make the Bible Great Again

Your "God Bless the USA Bible" will ship with a copy of the Declaration of Independence, AND the Pledge of Allegiance! You will never have to worry about the separation of church and state again!

Trump

We Need a Break from Spring Break

Paxton's droopy eyelid isn't the only thing limp at home. Could the Texas Porn boycott be driving the lecherous Attorney General into the arms of another mistress?

Texas Politics

I Find Your Lack of Imagination Disturbing

Texas keeps turning ever rightward, and this last set of primary elections continues the trend. It would be nice to keep public education, but it's not a given. Imagine turning off Friday Night Lights in Texas.

Technology

Disrupting Evil

The nerds and geeks that were the butt of jokes in high school became "tech bros" and the titans of the information revolution. And with great power, came great irresponsibility.

sports

Superbowl Takeaways

Pro Sports, as exemplified by the Superbowl, struggle to avoid political and cultural minefields that might alienate their audience. Meanwhile, TV subscriptions and the cost of tickets are making games unaffordable for all but elite fans.

national politics

Welcome Back to Middle School

What on earth would trigger someone's fury over seeing a happy young couple enjoying themselves, enjoying each other, and enjoying life?