Chris Newlin - Texas Outlaw Writers

Grannie Dannie Needs a Gummie, Bezos Bought a Bride

The same old story: Married nerd father meets married Fox TV anchor mom. Married nerd almost loses married TV anchor, but whips out a pic of his... balance sheet. Nerd and TV anchor hook up and tangle like a couple of meth infused weasels.

Trump

I, Love a Parade

By all accounts, the whole Trump parade thing seemed pretty dull. It was less Leni Riefenstahl's "Triumph of the Will" and more Bill Murray's "Stripes."

Trump

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do - Pride Edition

Musk wanted to stay in his role beyond the 130-day time limit set by statute. But, love grows stale, it seems, and a 4-month relationship is more than Trump could bear. The Oval Office simply couldn't continue to hold two egos of this size. Our daddies are breaking up.

personal stories

My Mother, The Ghost

"Where are the kids, the ones that were here a minute ago?" My mother, in the throes of dementia, was looking for my sister and me as children. Dementia is a brutal disease.

Trump

The Thrill is Gone

Your nighttime dreams are forgotten as you doomscroll yourself awake. There's no time for daydreams as your phone pings with every Trump alert. Our mental health is in decline as the country falls off the World Happiness Chart.

Trump

The Nazification Escalation

Ridiculing the Trump deep state as Naziesque, joking around about his Nazi enablers seemed at times to be tiresome and so much amplified hysteria. Not anymore.

Trump

A Warm Place in Hell

"You're just a dude. You look like a McKinsey consultant. Or some Wall St. rando." He laughed. Hard. "Wall St. I mean, a huge client base for me, that's for sure!"

Trump

Texas: Furry Dildo Roundup Time

OPSEC is good... so we can confirm Signal chat intercepted by morons. The Furries are frightening. THC may put you in the TDC. And they're coming for your dildos. Repeat: They're coming for your dildos.

national politics

Fun with Doublethink

"...if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed -if all records told the same tale – then the lie passed into history and became truth." -G. Orwell, 1984

Trump

The Quimby Court of the Mango King

As for Musk, his super PAC aired $1 million worth of ads that said, “Thank you, President Trump." Another dog pressing his nose against the Mango King's booty.

Trump

Who is it For?

We hated them Commies because 'They don't take care of their people!' As the Trump Train rolls on, with African Immigrant Musk at the controls, it's hard to say we care about anyone anymore... except the billionaire class.

Trump

Disorder, Distractions, and Diversions

"Bick, you shoulda shot that fella a long time ago. Now he's too rich to kill."

Trump

The Casinos at Mar-a-Gazo

The proposed blitzkrieg that would sweep up the Panama Canal, Greenland, Gaza, Canada, and a few island nations to be named later? These pronouncements and declarations are all Weapons of Mass Distraction.

Trump

We'd Nail Him Up Again

He would call her a “Radical Left hard-line Trump hater” on his Truth Social site. He demanded that the Bishop apologize. Because she asked for mercy.

Trump

Always Look on the Bright Side of Trump

"What a delight it would be for the once and future president to turn and see Ms. Obama on the front row in one of those QAnon Shaman headdresses."

national politics

Jimmy Carter: A Final Note

In a time where chaos reigns, the memorial service for Jimmy Carter was a formal and traditional ritual that seemed almost anachronistic. It was as decent and gracious as the man himself.

national politics

The President We Need

A farmer. A Navy lieutenant. A pious man - faithful to God, country, wife, and family. A servant leader who risked his rank, reputation, and popularity for his nation and its people. James Earl Carter, Jr. was the kind of president we always "say" we want.

Holidays

Merry Christmas from the Texas Outlaw Writers

Happy Holidays, Y'all.

World History

When Stupid is Dangerous

History is often seen as an outline of man's continual advancement through time. In reality, it's one dumb, arrogant stumble after another.

Health Care

Torches, Pitchforks, and Bullets

There haven't been a lot of expressions of sympathy for the murder victim on social media. - from either the left or the right. What irony if the mob-style hit of an exec of a insurance corporation that is widely seen as predatory is the act that brings the nation together.

Food

Turkeys that Kill*

It seems that "food scientists" have come up with a new scare. Washing your turkey. That's right, rinsing off Big Bird in your sink can be fatal. The TeeVee lady said so!

Trump

if Ken Burns did a Trump Documentary

“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Election

Surprise! and Welcome Trump 2.0!

It was awful, and as all of our progressive friends are wringing their hands and rightfully telling us, 'it's gonna get awfuller.'

Election'

TX Outlaw Writers: We Endorse...

Shouldn't The Outlaws take a principled stand and endorse a candidate? We're not the type to sell out! I mean, we're willing to hear an offer, but you can count on us to do the right thing! (How much did you say again?)

Trump

the girlfriend rule

Which of your friends has gone to the Dark Side, politically speaking? Use the same observational skills you used when trying to get a deeper understanding of that attractive date you brought to meet your pals.

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