Dumb Corleone

I know, every week there seems to be another affront to the courts, the environment, and the Constitution from this increasingly authoritarian administration. But, while it is tempting to set one's hair on fire with every new outrage, you frankly get tired of the constant battle. I know, that's what he counts on, but from pimp slapping all of academia to gutting our government to simply treating the Supreme Court like a French knight taunting King Arthur...

...you can run out of vitriol. So, in search of a breather and something else to write about, I found myself thinking about the greatest gangster film ever the other day. And it occurred to me that the current administration has some astonishing similarities to The Godfather and its sequels. Well, except that Don Corleone knew what he was doing, and didn't spend a lot of time coming up with silly, schoolyard names for Emilio Barzini or Bruno Tattaglia like Liddle Bruno or Sleepy Emilio.

No, the Corleones knew a thing or two about gangstering and despite the difference in collective brainpower, there are some interesting parallels.

For example...

The same menacing looks, eh? But one is just putting on a performance, playing a part, pretending authority and competence. The other is Marlon Brando.

Then there is the hotheaded and dimwitted son, Sonny.

He is loyal, horny and not terribly bright. One can only hope Don Jr. stays away from toll booths.

Now, Sonny's sister Connie Corleone...

Connie Corleone was high strung and emotional, given to fits of anger and sorrow. Ivanka is barely strung at all and given to fits of absolute sedation.

And Connie was married to the very iffy Carlo Rizzi...

Unlike Carlo, Jared is rich, and interestingly, was up for the part of Ken in the Barbie Movie.

And of course, every family has a Fredo...

And as the comedian says, look around your family and see which one is Fredo. If you don't see him, then it's you.

And then there was Michael Corleone, the smart and crafty brother who knew the ropes and had great instincts that enabled him to assume leadership of the family...

I swear I looked for an equivalent and there simply was none. That may just be the source of the problem.

And the rival who blusters, struts and offers empty threats, but is ultimately ineffectual? I bring you Moe Greene...

And then there is the family retainer and general messenger boy, Tom Hagen. Though not actually Italian, he nevertheless handles every dirty job and crappy public whitewashing of the family business with servile loyalty...

And every good mob family needs a tough enforcer, a thug who's loyalty is such that he can handle the most constitutionally questionable assignments with predictable, uh, finesse. Like Luca Brasi, or Tom Homan...

And of course, Michael ultimately needs a spineless and corrupt politician to help grease the wheels of his criminal empire. The modern equivalent of Senator Pat Geary is, well, the whole US Congress...

Why, Don Corleone even had a favorite singer...

And when he needed a favor from a rich, California mogul, Vito found that fear was the most effective tool...

And, of course, ultimately Michael needed the money and influence of someone like Hyman Roth...

I don't know how many children Roth had, but my guess is they were given normal names.

But, as crafty and well-played as the Corleone family moves were, that is where the equivalence ends. The Corleones suffered setbacks, but always found a solution, even if it was brutal. But Don Vito Trump doesn't have that particular gene and in fact, if he has to "go to the mattresses," he has hired the most clumsy gang of enforcers imaginable...

He makes Tessio and Clemenza look like members of the Manhattan Project brain trust.

So, while there are similarities and even parallels at times, this is unfortunately not a Hollywood movie, and there is no Pacino to come in to save the family fortunes. The only thing that is saving Dumb Corleone is the quality of his opponents. And right now, there is no discernible spine to be found in Washington.

My suggestion? Leave the 9-iron, take the cannoli.