What Would Molly Ivins Say?

"As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office." - Molly Ivins

Progressives have had a great few weeks - a little hope was thrown our way, there's been a little light shine on all of the darkness, and we've even shared some laughs at the absurd rhetoric and foibles of the Republican Party. And so, as we often do in times of stress where we need that laugh and that bit of hope, we remember Molly Ivins, and wonder, "What the hell would she say about all of this?"

Ivins, the wildly popular Texas pundit, author, and syndicated columnist would have no doubt told us to suck it up, buttercups, and get in the fight. And have a good old time doing it.

"<One type of humor> holds people up to public contempt and ridicule – that's what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel – it's vulgar." -Molly Ivins

Sometimes I wonder. It's hard to keep a smile much less laugh when General Bone Spurs comes out from under his rock and we're reminded he is running, inexplicably again for the highest office in the land. He's absurd, and there isn't a day that his behavior, speech, or (lack of) principles doesn't lend itself to mockery. Still, a sneer isn't a chuckle. A slam isn't a smile. And there's not a lot of spirit in contempt.

George W., his neo-con administration and their "pre-emptive" wars had certainly polarized the nation. Obama, the nation's first black president had brought the nation's barely contained racism to a near boiling point. And then came Trump. He turned up that heat and then poured gas on the fire. He radicalized racists, even gave them implicit permission for KKK style rallies, ("fine people on both sides.") His terrible handling of the pandemic divided the nation further. As the nation tried to limit the panic, spread, and death toll of Covid, he repeatedly denied the seriousness of the disease and fought his own administration's attempt to contain and cure it. The collective blood pressure of the nation was constantly at stroke levels. It was hard to find humor in much of anything.

Biden won the next election, but before we could even take a breath, Trump egged his cult on to the insurrection of January 6th. The "guardrails" of Democracy barely held, but Biden was sworn in. While he undid some of the damage that Trump and his tribe wrought, Biden faced opposition from the reactionary Trump Supreme Court as well as a Republican House and of course, the cult.

Still, the nation didn't wake up every single morning in fear of the actions of Trumpalooza. There was relief to see him impeached. It was reassuring to see his almost comical legal team lose lawsuit after lawsuit regarding his election (and the claims he had won.) Dozens of comic book villains from his administration faced charges... some went to jail or lost their law licenses. The January 6th rioters did time. It was a bit of a relief, but it was nerve-wracking to see how close we had come to losing a Democracy. At least we could direct some barbs at these now, mostly powerless idiots. From the "Release the Kracken" lawyer (Sidney Powell) to the disgraced muppet Rudy Guiliani- hair dye dripping down his face - to the face that came to symbolize January 6th, the "Q-Anon Shaman," we got to a place we could ridicule them. Now powerless (and many facing serious legal challenges,) we could laugh.

Laugh, point, and jeer we did.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful.
-Molly Ivins

Like I said, mockery isn't exactly satisfying in the same way as laughter is... but sometimes it'll do. Mel Brooks, a Jew known for his biting satire and wit, was taken to task by some members of the Jewish community for his joking and parodies of Hitler in his classic musical comedy, "The Producers." 'How could he joke about such a thing?' 'There's nothing funny about the architect of the Holocaust.' 'How dare you write a song, Springtime for Hitler, knowing that he killed millions!" Brooks would respond, "Listen, get on a soapbox with Hitler, you're gonna lose — he was a great orator. But if you can make fun of him, if you can have people laugh at him, you win." Authoritarians, tyrants, and narcissists of every stripe demand respect, covet power, and crave immortality. Humiliate them with a joke, ridicule, and laughter, and you've stripped them of their power and rendered them impotent.

Biden fought the good fight and accomplished much in his first term, desperately trying to mitigate his predecessor's damage while establishing what might be described as the "Newer, New Deal." In the tradition of FDR, Biden's administration tried to restore power to the middle and struggling class. The nation was even in a good enough mood to tease the president, making fun of his age, his fuddy-duddy ways, his preference for aviator sunglasses, his grandpa colloquialisms. ("You're darn tootin'!" "Folks, here's the deal," "What kind of malarky is this?" and always, "C'mon, man!")

Being at ease, once again, quickly turned into anxiety. The old-age jokes were hitting too close to home. People feared his age was becoming an issue, and at the same time, Trump announced that he would seek a second term.

Good time feeling gone.

On July 7th, when Biden and Trump went to the debate stage, the bottom fell out. Biden lost his train of thought. He spoke inarticulately and veered almost into incoherence. He had speech problems, stuttering, and trailing off in volume at times. He looked weak. He seemed frail. The left began to panic.

Trump pounced. The GOP smelled blood. And within a day or two, even the Democratic Party turned on Biden. Donors and ranking party members publicly suggested that he step away from seeking the nomination.

Moderates and Progressives fell back into their funk. Biden't poll numbers dropped quicker than a prom dress. Many Democrats expressed disinterest in the party and election altogether. They suggested that they might not even vote. Latinos and blacks were drifting to the right. Republicans were ready to plan their inauguration gala. The friendly teasing about "Old Joe" dried up as calls for him to drop his candidacy came from all sides.

On July 13, former President Trump survived an assassination attempt at an outdoor rally. A bullet or a piece of shrapnel grazed his ear and his defiant reaction bolstered his support. A few days later, Biden would test positive for Covid, further framing him as weak and unfit. Trump accepted the Trump Party's nomination at the National Convention of Trump.

Democratic Party morale fell to a new low.

The stakes they play for in politics are paper and money. The chips they play with are your life. -Molly Ivins

Just as a Trump second term started to seem like a fait accompli, Biden took himself out of the race. At the same time of his announcement, he endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris to be the nominee.

And the crowd went wild.

Within days, she had been endorsed from every quarter. Pressure mounted for her to name a VP, and she played it for drama... dropping a hint or a couple of names here and there. Finally, she announced Tim Walz, the affable governor of Minnesota, a retired Army non-com officer, and a former high school teacher and coach. (He also served five terms in the US Congress.)

All the good feels came back. Vice President Harris, already known for her bright smile and infectious laughter, joined together in appearances with her good-humored running mate. The public, party leaders, and notably, money came roaring back.

"The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion." -Molly Ivins

Meanwhile, an enraged Trump was furious that he did not have "Sleepy Joe" to defeat. He'd worked so hard to hone his Biden insults! In an effort to take back his media time, he announced professional hillbilly J.D. Vance as his running mate. Vance quickly got into the Trump spirit, announcing that, “We are effectively run in this country … by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made, and so they wanna make the rest of the country miserable, too..." While Trump was trying out new insults for a new oponent, he lamely attempted a go at, "Laffin' Kamala." (Oh gee, ouch. Stop. No. That hurts.) In a discussion over stay-at-home moms, Vance said of his wife Usha, " I love her because she's who she is. Obviously, she's not a white person, and we've been accused, attacked by some white supremacists over that." What a freak show to have to downplay your wife's heritage, while even acknowledging that your political party is full of racists disgusted by it.

Every day the public was getting an unpleasant earful of Trump or Vance. Trump was overheard referring to Harris as a "bitch." Interviews surfaced demonstrating what a misogynist Vance is. He talks about an end to "no-fault divorce" laws, suggesting that people too often change “spouses like they change their underwear.” He is "sympathetic" to federalizing anti-abortion laws.

Personally, I think he's further evidence that the Great Scriptwriter in the sky has an overdeveloped sense of irony. - Molly Ivins

The zeitgeist shifted back to hope, unity, and laughter. Democrats who (except in cases of self-defense,) previously seemed uncomfortable with outright mockery and attack on Republicans, came out of the woodwork to ridicule Trump, Vance, and the modern conservative party. Michelle Obama famously said, "When they go low, we go high." This was a strategy formed to prevent the right from seizing the stereotype of "angry black man," or "uppity blacks." But we're past the "first" black candidate, and progressives and others are tired of being a madman's punching bag. So the gloves have come off. When they go low, we go medieval on their ass.

OK, I admit, Trump has always been the subject of countless memes, taunts, and caricatures. According to those close to him, it's easy to get under his skin. He hates when a political crowd at a rally is judged to be bigger than a crowd at his. Democratic candidate Tim Walz, in a speech, described Trump and Vance as "weird." That hit a nerve, which made the mild "slur" all the more tempting for the meme crowd.

Some internet troll reported that in his "Hillbilly Elegy" book, Vance, um, admitted to having some sort of sexual encounter with a sofa. The goofy and somewhat vulgar joke took off like wildfire. The Twitter user even mocked up a fake page from his book to "prove" it was true. It was easily UN-proved, but that didn't matter. It was too much fun to send up the candidate who believed that single "cat-ladies" were ruining the country.

Does this mean Democrats (and snarky writers like me) are spreading "misinformation"? Are we no better than the lying, conspiracy-addled Republicans? I would argue that sofa-sex doesn't rise to Pizzagate (the allegation that Hillary ran a satanic pedophile ring in a pizza parlor basement.) It doesn't come near "fake election" levels, (Hey, let's storm the palace and hang the vice president!) No, there is no equivalence. And let's face it, it's nice to laugh at these clowns and ridicule their absurd beliefs and behavior.

For a while, anyway.

One of my favorite movies is "Tender Mercies," the 1983 film that starred Robert Duvall as a down-and-out alcoholic drifter. He stumbles into a roadside motel owned by a single mom (played by Tess Harper) who takes him in. He pays his way by doing odd jobs around the motel and starts to clean himself up. Some folks recognize him as a once-famous C&W singer/songwriter. He levels himself out, begins a touching relationship with the motel owner and her young son. They wed and he starts to regain a small bit of his former success. Life is good until tragedy strikes again - he hears that a daughter he's tried to reconnect with died in an accident. His wife expects him to relapse, but she finds him stoically tending the garden. He finally looks up and says, "I don't trust happiness. I never have, and I never will."

I feel like that often, even more than I used to. I've enjoyed these last few weeks watching the Dems on the rise. I'm enjoying the jokes and the laughter at Trump and his cult's expense. But I know better. They will regroup. They will attack without mercy. There are billions of dollars behind them, and millions of people who don't care that a man with no principles, values, or empathy may take control of the country. None of them seem terribly concerned that he fraudulently attempted to seize the last election, and that he promised a group of white nationalist Christians, "You got to get out and vote. In four years, you don’t have to vote again. We’ll have it fixed so good, you’re not going to have to vote.”

Ben Franklin knew how easy it would be to lapse into such tyranny. After the Constitutional Convention, he was asked, "Doctor, what do we have, a republic or a monarchy?” He answered simply, "A republic if you can keep it."

If.

Which brings us back to Molly, and she gets the last word.

So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. -Molly Ivins